During the summer of 2011 I decided to spend my time wisely by doing something productive so I got a summer job. However, finding a summer job proved to be a job in itself due the economic condition and the fact that I started my search late. Luckily, a friend informed me that a position was open at Fort Hamilton Post Library as an algebra tutor. I was hesitant at first to accept the position because I was nervous about working on an army base and wasn’t thrilled about the hour and half commute to Brooklyn. Despite my fears I accepted the job since it was the only one I was able to find.
On my first day of work I arrived on the base bright and early eager to meet my new student. Unfortunately, my effort to make a good first impression was wasted. As it turned out, my student ended up missing the first lesson and I was stuck in the library for the day since I had to wait for my ride home. At first I wondered around the library just exploring and looking for something to do. I eventually met the librarian who got me to sign up to volunteer in the library.
As the summer progressed I would spend my weekends tutoring at the library. I would arrive early in the morning for lessons. Afterwards I would spend the rest of the day reading to the children, shelving books, and helping patrons. At first it seemed boring but after a couple of weeks my time at the fort became more lively and entertaining. Eventually I became friends with the captain of the police station on base, who was one of the library’s most frequent patrons. He would let me tag along as he made his rounds around the fort. As we went around he would talk to me about the most recent books and movies he checked out, politics, and some times he would tell me about the latest schemes going on around the fort. One day as we were walking in one of the old abandoned fields he let me fire a shot from his gun. I think that firing a gun was one of the most exhilarating experiences I have ever had.
I had many other adventures during the summer at Fort Hamilton. One of the biggest events they had on the fort was a Fourth of July concert where they had Ne-Yo as a performer. I was determined to meet Ne-Yo so the librarian got me an all-access pass and a job with the photographer covering the concert for the fort. Although I had never done photography before I did my best to help the photographer, who was able to get me into the meet and greet where I got my picture taken with Ne-Yo and his autograph. I was even more excited later on when the concert actually started and I was allowed to be right in front of the stage helping the photographer. However, the most amazing part of the night occurred when Ne-Yo was performing “Miss Independent.” He reached his hand out toward the crowd and I touched it. Attending the concert made me even prouder to be an American.
Working at Fort Hamilton proved to be fun despite my fears that working on an army base would be boring and dreary. I not only got paid to help another student gain a greater understanding in a subject I love, but also was able to make lasting friendships and memories in the process.
I thought it was a very well written essay. It was interesting and you supported your point with great, strong examples. I think the fact that the officer let you fire his gun was a lie.
ReplyDeleteI honestly can't find anything negative to say about it.
I thought this story was very well written and intriguing. I only found one typo- in the second paragraph, second to last sentence. You wrote "wondered" instead of "wandered". Otherwise, I really enjoyed reading this story.
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I have the highest amount of respect for you since you commuted an hour and a half away for your job. I love that your story was unique. Very few people would be able to write about being an algebra teacher on a military base, so it really drew me into your story.
ReplyDeleteThe only negative thing I have to say is that perhaps you could try using less "I" phrases. For example, the last sentence in the third paragraph "I think that firing a gun..." you could have simply said "Firing a gun..." because since you wrote this the reader already knows that whatever you're writing is what you're thinking. I hope this makes sense.
I can relate to the hour and a half of traveling because I do it everyday coming to school and coming home. Your story was really good, you created a picture image in my mind and how it felt to be at a army based camp. Very cool ending to by meeting Ne-yo!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your story and I think it was very entertaining to read. I am very impressed by your ability to keep the reader interested. Also, your flow and cohesion is superb. However, there were a few sentences I saw that could have been upgraded by added a comma between the dependent and independent clauses, but other than that this was completely well written.
ReplyDeleteWhat a meaningful summer job! Your story became more and more interesting towards the end. There were lots of details, and the story succeeded in keeping the reader's attention.
ReplyDeleteWow, I am so jealous of you.This was fun and entertaing story. It was well written and also you word choice were amazing. I still find it hard to believe that an officer would let you fire his weapon. Also I like the way you made the story interesting by introducing new ideas such as Ne-yo performing and also getting to shoot a gun. It keeps your audience motivated to read more.
ReplyDeleteWow this must have been an awesome job! This was a very well put together story definitely kept me interested. You hid your lie very well in the narrative making it hard for me to find it.
ReplyDeleteThere were just a few errors in some sentences, so I would just re-read it and fix whatever needs to be fixed